Self-Esteem discussions

WHAT ARE THE ANTECEDANTS OF SELF-ESTEEM?

Defining Self-esteem

It is always wise to define the terms of reference when tackling a question such as this. According to Psychologist, Dr Nathaniel Branden, author of the ‘Six Pillars of Self-Esteem’ (1994). Self-esteem is:

‘The disposition to experience yourself as being worthy and deserving of love, respect, happiness, success and to feel competent to cope with the basic challenges of life’.

The key word in this definition is ‘experience’, so a central component to self-esteem is how a person experiences life.

E.g.

As an example let us say that you are in poor physical shape and also experience yourself as being in poor physical shape – that is, you tire easily, have little stamina, often get short of breath, are physically weak, etc. The problem here, obviously, is not that you “rate” yourself as being in poor physical shape, the problem is that you ARE in poor physical shape. Then, let’s say, you join a gym, hire a trainer, and begin to work on improving your condition. You lose weight, become more flexible, grow stronger, develop better stamina, etc. As a consequence, two things happen: you become in better physical shape and you experience yourself as being in better physical shape. Your experience is not the result of mere “rating.” Rather, it reflects a direct perception of reality.

Now apply the same thinking to self-esteem.

Let us say that you spend too much of your life operating semi-consciously; denying and disowning your thoughts, feelings, and actions; avoiding responsibility for your choices and actions; blaming others for all your misfortunes; refusing to be accountable for anything; surrendering to your fear of self-expression or self-assertiveness so you are rarely authentic in your interactions with others; drifting through life without focus, purpose, or goals; and permitting yourself many contradictions between what you know, what you profess, and what you do. As a consequence, you do not feel very competent in the face of life’s challenges; you are not proud of your choices and actions; you have little confidence in your mind (since you avoid using it); and you are unable to feel respect for yourself. Self-esteem therefore not only does it enable you to feel better, but it also enables people to live better.

Self-Esteem composition

Now that we have defined self-esteem, it is important to understand the composition of self-esteem:

Self-esteem is comprised of two aspects, Self-Worth and Self-Competence.

Self-worth is the value we place upon ourselves as individuals. How we feel about ourselves and how we respond to ourselves. Self-competence being how we measure our skills and efficacy in the world. I.e. How well are we doing as we reach varying levels of maturity. Have we been able to move from a position of dependence to independence (and eventually to interdependence)?

Healthy ‘Authentic’ Self-Esteem is a balance between high to moderate self-worth and high to moderate self-competence. If there is an imbalance between worth and competence, it produces a form of ‘high’ self-esteem that is defensive and destructive in nature: People exhibiting this form of self-esteem understand that self-esteem is earned not given and is based on a history of competence and worthiness involving realistic self-appraisal. They may experience anxiety and occasional insecurity but this is often situational and short lived. They also exhibit openness to new ideas and are empathetic.

High Self-Worth v Low-Competence (Defensive self-esteem type 1, Narcissistic): Behaviour is narcissistic, entitled, boasting and acting superior with an exaggerated sense of one’s importance. These people exhibit self-obsessed behaviour and selfishness. These are compensatory behaviours covering for a lack of competence and a history of underachievement.

High Competence v Low Self-Worth (Defensive self-esteem type 2, Anti-Social): Workaholism, perfectionism and outbreaks of violence, rudeness and indifference when something is threatened e.g. business, property, marriage or partner status. These people worry about success and failure and tend to seek approval through trappings of money, influence, administration and prestige. These are compensatory behaviours for low self-worth.

Low Worth v Low Competence (low self-esteem): This person with be sensitive to negative information and criticism about themselves. These people are cautious in nature and highly risk averse and prone to see faults rather than strengths. They are likely to be ineffectual throughout their lives and enter depressive, learned helplessness states.

Mruck, C. (1999), Self-Esteem: Research, Theory and Practice, Springer Publishing Company, Inc.

Self-esteem and nature v nurture

Self-esteem has both an affect and effect component to it I.e. nature and nurture.

The nature part is that each person has a personality that predisposes them to act and respond in a particular way towards life as they experience it.

According to the Big Five factor model of personality the following five aspects of personality are intrinsic to all people, who may find they are high or low in the trait or any of the associated facets:

Openness to experience, which includes the facets of: Ideas, Action, Aesthetics, Imagination, Values rule breaking and Emotions.

Consciousness, which includes the facets of: Achievement striving, Competence, Self-discipline, Cautiousness, Dutifulness and orderliness.

Extraversion, which includes the facets of: Gregariousness, Cheerfulness, Friendliness, Excitement seeking, Activity level and Assertiveness.

Agreeableness, which includes the facets of: Empathetic, Altruistic, Trusting, Cooperation, Modesty and Straight forwardness.

Neuroticism, which includes the facets of: Hostility/Anger, Impulsiveness, Anxiety, Withdrawal, Self- Consciousness and Vulnerability.

So, because we are all raised in a specific context, which comprises of the people who came together to be our parents, their level of worth and competence to parent, the socio-economic circumstances of the time period you are born into and the cultural values and norms of the society you live in, all come to affect a person’s self-esteem.

Self-esteem as a practicable habit

The effect aspect of self-esteem can be applied and improved by the individual, providing they are honest with themselves and willing to put in the necessary work. The following six practices have been proven to be highly effective in raising the level of one’s self-esteem:

The practice of Self-Awareness: paying attention to information and feedback about your needs and goals, facing facts that might be uncomfortable or threatening. Refusing to wander through life in a self-induced mental fog.

The practice of Self-Assertiveness: The willingness to express appropriately our thoughts, values and feelings, to stand up for ourselves, to speak and act from our deepest convictions.

The practice of Self-Acceptance: Being willing to experience whatever we truly think, feel or do, even if we don’t always like it. Having respect for reality whilst facing our mistakes and learning from them.

By practicing Self-Responsibility: Establishing a sense of control over our lives by realising that we are responsible for our choices and actions at every level, the achievement of our goals, our happiness and our values.

Practicing Self-Integrity: The integration of our behaviour with our ideals, convictions, standards and beliefs. Acting in congruence with what we believe to be right.

Practicing Living-purposefully: Setting goals and working to achieve them, rather than living at the mercy of chance and outside forces, developing self-discipline.

How to raise one’s level of self awareness 

Raising one’s level of self-awareness is a cornerstone to improving Healthy ‘Authentic’ Self-Esteem, awareness being one of the six key practices that actually enable people to both feel and live better.

Self-awareness is the act of thinking and having respect for one’s inner and outer realities. It is not the denial or avoidance of what one knows to be true, it is a courageous act to the self. It is respect for the functioning and efficacy of one’s own mind.

Self-Awareness means paying attention to information and feedback about one’s needs and goals, facing facts that might be uncomfortable or threatening, refusing to wander through life in a self-induced mental fog.

To improve one’s levels of self-awareness use and practice the principals in the acronym : C.E.D.A.R.S.

C-Conscientiousness:

Ensuring that once you are aware of what the right thing to do is, that you act accordingly with that knowledge. One of the worst things a person can do is give way to self-betrayal, that is acting against what one knows to be true, in effect slapping one’s own face.

E-Environment:

Being aware of your environment, I.e. what is happening in your mind (your current dominant thoughts), body (how your body feels at any particular time and what is different from what you know to be normal for you). Monitoring your external surroundings (this is learning to ‘tune in’ to your environment), using one’s intuition and learning to read situations.

D-Direction:

A life without purpose is an unfulfilled life. We are each responsible for determining our life path, hence we need to be aware of whether our current actions are moving us away from or towards what our stated stated goal Is? Hence one needs to define what you want, why it is important to you, how long it will take to achieve, what actions are necessary for successful accomplishment of the task and what indicators will let you know that you are on track.

A-Attention:

Ensuring that one is paying ‘full attention’ to what one is currently doing. Time is our most valuable resource and each person has a responsibility to ensure they use their 24 hours to maximum effect. There is enough time providing it is used to best effect and with others is used by mutual consent. When one commits to a particular course of action, one should devote time and mental focus to what one is doing to achieve maximum results. In effect try to get oneself into a state of ‘flow’.

R-Reactions:

Being aware of how you are responding to the feedback you are receiving. Noticing whether your actions are providing you with the results you expect. Also, being aware of how people respond to your utterances and behaviour and in both cases making adjustments accordingly. Being concerned to know why particular situations trigger you by doing the internal work and avoidance externalising and projecting ( in effect using blame, rationalising, avoidance, complaining or excuses.

S- Sensations:

Ensuring that you aware of your moods, impulses and feelings. It is important to remember that feelings are not good guides to action. Feelings are the physical sensations we experience in our bodies. E.g. muscle tension, hunger, tiredness, increased temperature, increased heartbeat, heaviness an itch etc. Different collections of feelings make up our emotions (mood) I.e. happiness, anger, disgust, fear, sadness and surprise. We must also be aware of our impulses and try to exercise self-restraint by acknowledging that which we are experiencing (this is the act of thinking) and then deciding on the best course of action.